Thursday, January 07, 2016

Going Steady

Can we talk about the weather for a moment?
Really?  Can we stop now please?
I had an hour-long circular detour yesterday, driving to the nearest town on a drugs run.  It soon became apparent that I was not going to the market town after all, as every road in that direction was resolutely Closed due to flooding.  During my final Diversion I encountered a spring bubbling up in the middle of the road and a group of frantic farmers trying to divert the water using diggers.  I had to drive in entirely the opposite direction, towards the city, to get FL his painkillers.  On the way back, I realised the farm is almost cut off on the city side too.  Time to buy a tractor?!
We are lucky to live far from the river, but the bedroom wall has taken a rain-battering from the east and a small pond is slowly forming on the floor, as it does perhaps once a year in normal conditions. These are not normal conditions!
It will be fine.
I have a bucket and a mop.
No ducks or frogs yet.
But my new wellies and coat have both arrived and are perfect - woo hoo!

The only grey cloud that is welcome around here!
FL is going steady.  We have settled into a pattern of getting up late, having breakfast together, and then him sleeping until dinner, when he will maybe eat a mouthful or two, take his pills, and go back to sleep again.  The tricky bit is waking him out of that sleep to go to bed a couple of hours later.  He complains I try to do it too quickly, but even so it takes me an hour or so of gentle coaxing before desperation makes me frogmarch him to bed, via the toilet.
There is an enchanted time around 4.30 every morning, when the morphine is wearing off just enough and he accepts a gentle hug without the usual fear of pain.  He breathes more easily, we exchange a few words and then fall asleep holding hands.
This is what I must remember of this time.

I have been granted compassionate leave for the remains of this week, on the understanding that I will update The Boss with the result of the various visitations planned for tomorrow:  the Community Alarm people, the local MacMillan Nurse, and the District Nurse are all due to visit.  But I can't help thinking none of these will provide an immediate solution that allows me to go to the office on Monday.  We have yet to hear from the hospice.  Hopefully tomorrow.  I think they will be key.  I cannot imagine trying to tend to FL's physical care in this cold wet draughty house when his condition deteriorates.  I will make sure everyone understands that.  FL himself is reaching that conclusion, which is half the battle.

Meantime, your wonderful words of support and advice have been pouring in.  I have replied to some of you individually, but that is not to downplay the contributions of each and every one of you:  THANK YOU!

Today I cast on my pink Noriboo handspun to make a Qwist hat.

3mm needles: the fishing net of ugly
Attempt One demonstrated the importance of gauge:  my yarn is clearly nearer to laceweight than fingering and looked awful on 3mm needles.

Using 2.5mm needles
Attempt Two, on 2.5mm needles, is much more successful.

The Norwegian wool / bamboo blend is quite coarse to the touch, but seems to be softening as I work with it.  I think it will be fine as a hat, over my hair, but would be too scratchy for neckwear.
Note to self:  don't get your hair cut this year!

This is my third Qwist Hat.  The first was knit out of Crown Mountain Farms Sock Hop and was a present for my dear friend in Glasgow, Christine.
I sent her an optional grey fluffy pompom, which she sewed on herself.
Hello Christine!
The second was for The Girl, in black Malabrigo Finito, with a violently orange pompom.

Hello Girl!
Mine will have a wild magenta pompom :)

They are ready-made, by Rico yarns, if you fancy a few yourself!

I have also been spinning some Popsicle Fuzzlings from Fondant Fibre (top picture).
I plan to use this much softer yarn together with the leftover Noriboo to make a shawl.

Oh - and thank you for all those amazing reading recommendations!  I have joined an orderly queue at the library for most of them.  Hopefully the roads will have been drained by the time it's my turn!


Lizzi said...

It is tough - all that and rain, too!

You are doing so well - be proud of yourself - and remember this when you start to doubt yourself and your decisions - and if you can’t do anything else? Well just knit a row...................................

L x

margf said...

Your blogs have been an amazing connection with those of us who have followed your shared story for the past few years. It seems as though peoples' responses (written or ' just' supportive thoughts) have helped you during the long times of change. It seems, as well, that you are finding the blog (and your many supporters) are helping as you cope with the changes and demands of this sad phase. Your recent blog and plans caused me to think you are realistic about the next phase of your life. It sounds like FL's body is beginning to move in that direction- it sounds like he is totally weary but not yet able to move on. A good hospice/consistent terminal care nurse should be able to help FL- and you- to look to this stage together. I hope this can happen. You deserve it

Mags said...

A longtime reader of your blog but have never commented. Just wanted to add my support for you and FL along with all the others. I admire your honesty and bravery. Much love to you both. xxx

Jodie said...

I'm hoping that help can be put in place and that you feel like you "have a plan" for going forward. As a planner myself, I find that gives me comfort. But of course, you are in a situation where things change rapidly. Hang in - your knitting and spinning plans look awesome. Wishing you both peace

Sarah said...

I love that pink wool!

Your honesty and bravery in writing about this experience is amazing. Thank you for your strength and courage in sharing this.

Mad about Craft said...

I do hope you find some peace and support from tomorrows' visitations!

Mog said...

Hi Roo, Hoping that tomorrow brings some sort of plan, and something that appeases The Boss so you can come to terms with things a little more before having to face work. Dratted thing.

I love the hats and am tempted by a pompom or three myself. I envisage a weekend of knitting. Thanks for the link!

Good luck for tomorrow, and remember that you have us behind you in spirit at least.

Have a good night, and catch up tomorrow. Xx

Jodie said...

I saw this from another blog I follow. I'm hoping someone recommended the book, "When Breath becomes Air". The writer of the blog post was it's book editor - it sounds beautiful, I know I'll look for it and read it myself.

rosylea said...

I was touched by your description of the "enchanted time" in the early morning, lovely that you can share some good times when things are so hard. I hope tomorrow offers some clarity. My best wishes to you both. R

HappyAcademicRunner said...

Your area is getting pretty flooded. Here's hoping you get support from all directions between the weather, the job, the hospice. I mean it's snowing now Too. I hope your power keeps up as there are electrical outages too in your area. I am thinking of you and FL. X

Lynn said...

My husband's father was in hospice before his passing. It gave his family such peace and relief. They could be with him, love him, and, very importantly, the ability to relate to him as his children and not as care takers. There was much love and laughter shared and his end was very peaceful. While I know you have no intention of abandoning FL, hospice is definitely NOT about giving you leave to leave but instead giving you leave to love.

Rosemary said...

Just been reading the flooding news, so hope you're okay. I'm frantically trying to send you some sunshine from the deep south, as we've finally got blue skies this morning.

seamedstraightforward said...

So worried about you today Roo, having seen the flooding on the news. I hope that everyone who needs to get to you today can manage it, and that someone will have a magnificent plan of how to proceed.
Thinking of you both.

Knitlass said...

Eek. Hope you are managing amidst the deluge and coldness. Wishing you warmth and comfort, and lots of enchanted moments x

Susie Hewer said...

Sending you supportive hugs and thoughts and hoping you can cling onto the precious times whenever possible, even if only for a matter of moments. Much love, Susie xxx

lilysgrannie said...

Ooh, that pink Noriboo yarn is beautiful, can't wait to see how it knits up. I hope today brings resolution to some of the care issues. I just can't imagine you leaving him all day to go off to work and hope they will extend your leave. Sending good thoughts your way this morning.

Donna Hensley said...

That sounds like a lovely thing to look forward to at 4 in the morning. Hugs.

Athene said...

Hope you've got some solutions from today's meetings. Thinking of you.

Nita said...

((((( hugs)))))